I did it - I have just pulled out my very last hair. I’ve officially decided that I do not want to allow myself the pleasure of pulling out my eyebrows anymore. I’ll let them grow back, and that will be that.  I wish I could say that the decision I have just made will undoubtedly stick, but unfortunately I have repeated this statement to myself at least once a week for the past nine years.  In fact, in the process of figuring out what to write next, I have just pulled out another hair.

I have a disorder called Trichotillomania (often referred to as trich). The word derives from Greek and Latin; “trich” meaning hair, “till” meaning pulling, and “mania” meaning crazy. But I definitely do not consider myself crazy.  Yes I do pull my eyebrows out, but contrary to what many people may think, it is actually a fairly normal behavior - almost like a more extreme version of biting your fingernails. In the third grade when I first started pulling, I was convinced that I was crazy. The thought that I couldn’t stop (even if I wanted to) terrified me. As a result, I completely denied that I did it. Any recognition from my parents about my eyebrow pulling resulted in a screaming match. I wanted to turn them into the crazy ones. Luckily as I grew older things changed a lot. I started going to TLC’s (Trichotillomania Learning Center) annual conferences and met so many other people like me. Now here I am, a senior in high school, posting my story on the internet for the world to see.

The truth is that I don’t really believe myself anymore when I say that I will stop pulling. Telling myself that I will stop turns the negative experience of pulling yet another hair out, into a positive one. If I truly wanted to make myself stop I would have to do something much more than simply slapping myself on the wrist and asking my fingers not to touch my eyebrows again. I have to work for it.

Now, I am ready to do just that. Not only am I sick of drawing my eyebrows on every morning, and relentlessly trying to hide them every day, but I often get so set on getting a single hair out that I cannot concentrate on school work, and it sucks a lot of time out of my day. There is no official cure for Trichotillomania, only methods that have helped some people stop pulling.  This brings me to the purpose of this blog: over the next two months, I plan to do everything possible to make myself stop pulling my hair out.

I’ve compiled a list of methods I have learned at the TLC conferences that have helped some people to stop, as well as some other things that I think could help.  I will start by using a couple of these methods, and then adding or taking away some depending on what I think is working. I’ll simply be writing about my experiences in this blog, and hopefully in the end I’ll be able to report at least some success!

My list:

1)   I will sign up for www.stoppulling.com. This is an interactive behavioral program that helps people with trich identify what situations induce their pulling, and how they can stop.

2)   I will be using toys to distract my hands from moving up to my eyebrows. These are usually things like rubber balls or rings. Keeping them near my desk will help stop me from pulling while doing homework.

3)   I’ll start taking N-Acetyl Cysteine pills. This is an amino acid that has proven to help with some people’s pulling conditions.

4)   Starting tomorrow, I will start growing out my bangs. I have been using these for the past two years to cover up my lack of eyebrows. I’m hoping that the thought of not having anything to hide them might dissuade me from pulling.

As I do more research I am sure that I will find more methods that I will apply to my project.

        This blog will be a part of my “senior project”, a big project that each senior in my high school is required to complete before they graduate.  I am hoping to help raise awareness within my community about Trichotillomania by publicizing this blog. I am also hoping that other people who have Trich will read this blog, and use it to help them with their pulling.      

It should also be said that my two-month project will not be a controlled experiment. By the end, I won’t be able to report which method worked the best, or which did not, because I will be using each method at the same time as others.  My main goal is simply to say whether or not I was successful, and explain how it went along the way.

I will start using the first of my methods tomorrow. Wish me luck!